i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
