He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
