you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize