U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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