Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize