come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
