ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
