It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
