OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
