I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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