my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you win again, gameday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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