My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
