I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
