Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
