We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
