its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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