He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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