why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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