just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
