I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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