Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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