I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Text me some of your sweat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
