I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
