batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
COCAINE IS GR8
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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