I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
