so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
