sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
