i permit you to call me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
