Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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