P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
