I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
