the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
whose parrot is this?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
