I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize