where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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