I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
