3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
