You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
