I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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