I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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