Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
