It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
