NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
