Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
