dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
