She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
