At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
