i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
