so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
