I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
