Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
