I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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