be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
then he tried to convert me to islam
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize