Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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