the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
