fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
