I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
