Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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