okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
