we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
