I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
