U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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