There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
