i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
