im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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