that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
