Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
